|
I am Wearing a Gilligan's Island Hat in the
Next Victoria Secret Issue - Part 2
As I attempted to board the scuba boat, I was nearly "kilt" by a rogue wave. I had forgotten about the seriously
wayward seas from our last visit here twenty years ago. Anyway, I was actually
up on the boat ladder when the wave threw me off backwards. I narrowly missed
the killer ladder with my head. Craig said it was most amusing when he saw me
roll around in the surf, "ass over teakettle." I had to give him credit; he
managed to stop laughing and came to my rescue. The entire episode made me lose
my nerve, as I am very superstitious about diving. Therefore, I abandoned the
dive, and retired to the shore with the help of the dive staff personnel. They
fully agreed with my decision not to dive, and offered to get me a masseuse for
my sore neck. One of the staff thoughtfully brought me a cool drink and I felt
like one of the pampered "Victoria Secret" models.
The divers returned and looked very pleased with each other - great dive of
course. All made it safely to shore except one English guy with bad teeth who
unwisely leapt from the boat into three feet of water. I was sure he bruised his
knees at the very least. We all then proceeded to the restaurant, when we
noticed that the personnel were having a very difficult time unloading the
equipment from the boat. The waves were monstrous. I ran down to the beach to
help (Red Cross badge not available) but was willing to perform CPR and find
emergency housing if necessary. In real life I am a Red Cross volunteer on a
Disaster Action Team, but I digress.
The dive master/boat captain was enacting a disturbing imitation of my dad, who
used to chop the shallow bottom with his boat motors. The dive master/boat
captain ground up lots of rocks and sand and tried to maneuver the boat away
from the shore. Next, the boat was swamped by yet another giant wave, which left
the loose scuba gear floating about, in and around the boat. We helped retrieve
gear and bailed water. Craig also used his mighty strength and attempted to help
push the boat off the beach. It was all bad, there were a lot of people
shouting, but there did not seem to be a leader.
Eventually someone called for help, and soon one of the staff arrived, he drove
something that looked like a dune buggy, but with the power and mobility of an
army tank. I felt like I was soon to become part of an action movie. Surely I
could have been in the background for this exciting scene? Where were the
"Victoria Secret" photographers? The army tank driver was clearly G.I. Joe on
steroids. My boys would have loved it. I loved it! The tank vehicle had a tow
wire which was hooked onto the boat. They maneuvered the boat around and up the
beach a bit. The remaining water was bailed out by many helpers and the boat was
pushed back into the water by tank vehicle. The scuba gear was retrieved and no
one was hurt, excepting for the dive master/boat driver's pride.
During all this mayhem the "Victoria 's Secret" models were back at the pool,
posing in positions, one, two or three. I decided I simply had to get a closer
look, an "insider's perspective" of a photo shoot. I climbed into the pool and
made my way along the ledge. It was a wide ledge so I was able to comfortably
lie down and spy. Craig later told me that it was a very good imitation of a
combat crawl; apparently I was not all that discreet. I noticed that all of the
models wore push up bras under everything. The camera obviously digitized the
straps and other things out of the picture. Sorry men…not one of the models had
large upper assets!
Be sure and look for my Gilligan hat and my buckteeth in the poolside scene of
the next issue of "Victoria's Secret".
|
