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I am Wearing a Gilligan's Island Hat in the
Next Victoria Secret Issue
Years ago, when we visited Turks and Caicos, we
stayed at the Club Med - a good choice if you were young, poor and enjoy dancing
to cult music every night. The "all inclusive" part of the deal lured us in too,
but this year we have upgraded ourselves to a four star resort, hoping for a
bathroom in our bedroom, and not down the hall as in days past.
Craig made plane reservations for the "red eye" so that we were ready for the
next day when we arrived early in the morning. However, as I was not able to
sleep on the plane, I was not fresh upon arrival, so we checked in very bleary
eyed at our scuba appointment the next morning. My spirits began to fail when
the dive master told us that the 'Victoria 's Secret' models were here for a
catalog shoot. I feverishly considered my own bathing suits: did I have one that
was appropriate for the background of the shoot? No, wait, I was not in the
shoot! Some narrow minded people would consider a fifty year old a poor photo op
for a swimsuit shoot. In my delusional thoughts I began to think of all the
other possibilities that would have allowed me to be in the photo shoot. I could
have lounged in a chair in the background while wearing one of those attractive
"Miracle Suits". My head was filled with these daydreams when we headed out for
our first dive. We had no problems on our check-out dive. We swam ashore from
the dive boat and headed to the pool. The photo session was on; various people
were standing around the Victoria's Secret models.
Good news! The models were actually wearing spring/summer clothing, not
underwear as one would have expected from a Victoria 's Secret photo shoot. I
found a prime viewing spot for my spouse, who was in our room catching up on
emails. He was very pleased when he found the vantage point I had secured by the
pool. I coolly reminded him not to drool and slobber on himself, or make gasping
noises. We were at the pool strictly for observation, so that I could take notes
for my journal or re-up my standing as junior reporter for the National
Enquirer. Some may remember my comments from years past on the stars at the
Cannes Film Festival.
As far as I could see, the "at work" model had three poses:
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The model simply fluffed her hair with one hand
and assumed an action pose.
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The model had her hand on her hip which jutted
out at a very awkward angle.
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The model had her back turned toward the camera
and looked at the camera over her shoulder.
There were about seven people standing around the
model during the shoot.
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Clothing adjuster person.
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Hairstylist. The hairstylist needed the clothing
stylist as he (the hairstylist) was wearing a very bad imitation of striped
prison garb.
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Two people held up large metallic boards for the
cameraman.
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One person held a flashing light close to the
model's face before the shot was taken.
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One person was actually just standing around; I
think he fetched cool drinks for the model.
The photo shoot took place in the heat of the day.
The model had the easiest job; at least she could retire from the sun and a
lackey then fetched a cool drink. She never got it herself. This particular
model was thin and very young. Craig broke my rule and salivated all over his
book.
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