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Shawn Underwood Laundry line one. Laundry line two.

 

A Spirit is In the House

A psychic is here at "freako camp" as my husband, Craig, has named my new found spa.

I attended one of many classes offered at F.C. aptly named Psychic Tools. The guest speaker is a well know psychic. I will call her Spiritus Maximus or SM for short. SM read us her impressive list of credentials and then offered to give us each an example of her prescient abilities. Immediately begin to get nervous. This is not what I had bargained for; begin to look for fire exit or nearest window. According to SM, the woman next to me is going to have some serious problems with her daughter. Discount this, who doesn't have problems with their kids? It is my turn, she intimates about some family business issues. Duh, I am sitting next to my all of my look alike relatives. Believe it is a fairly good guess that we could be in a family business of some sort. She inquires after my friend Steven. Relay that I don't recall any Steven. She intimates that Steven's spirit is in fact immediately behind me in the room. Begin to form saddlebags of sweat under my arms. Quickly run through the mental checklist of old boyfriends, a short list as I was a late bloomer, but no Steven comes to mind.

Spiritus Maximus moves on to the next guest. This person is going to have a child come into her life. The woman is at least fifty and does not seem pleased at the prospect of having another cinder block attached to her ankle. Most people are beginning to look nervous; no one likes the idea of Steven the spirit hovering about the room. The psychic continues the whole spirit thing with the next person. Does this woman with 3 red ponytails know that she has spirits surrounding her? She seems entirely non pulsed and agrees that she is aware of this. My esteem rises for Ponytails. She obviously can take on SM while the rest of us cower and dribble in our chairs. Psychic then lets Ponytails know that a particular old spirit woman would like to speak with her. Ponytails doesn't bat an eye, but does inquire as to how she is supposed to communicate with the spirit, as e-mail or IM might not be good options and cell phone coverage in the Arizona desert is weak.

We finish with the closing of the circle which requires the group to hold hands. We ask for our own personal angel to guide us through life. Admit to self that this would be helpful if it were in fact true. Also secretly request that my personal angel speak to my children's personal angels about doing a better job of guiding.

Run into Ponytails later in the afternoon while waiting for my friend to finish up with her private session with Spiritus Maximus. Inquire as to how her spirits are treating her. She replies that she did in fact attempt to speak to the old lady spirit but had some problems. She relays that it was a problem speaking to old lady spirit when she was alive and didn't see how things would change much now that she was deceased. Find this most amusing. We agree to meet for dinner and discuss our experiences at F.C.

Hope that Steven the spirit has gone back to where he came from.
 

 

Shawn Underwood, a native Washingtonian, writes humorous anecdotes for newspapers and magazines.   If you are a member of the media or would like to use a story, please email Shawn.

View a list of all Shawn's stories online.

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