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Nurse Ratchitt Returns
Woke at 5 a.m. to take husband
to hospital for surgery. Spouse is having his ear repaired as a result of having
a gun fired near his head consequently breaking his eardrum. Other half has been
putting this surgery off for a long time as he prefers hearing tinnitus or high
pitched constant ringing rather than wife's "white noise". He takes the final
plunge for surgery only because he can no longer scuba dive without his ear
bubbling under the water.
Arrive two hours early as requested only to find we have to sit around and wait
for various nurses and doctors. Endeavor to entertain husband with; "I Spy with
my Little Eye". He plays a couple of games and then admits that perhaps he is a
bit nervous. Make sympathetic noises. Spouse runs back and forth to restroom
twice within ten minutes. He frets that nurses are writing notes about him in
his chart. Can see that he is completely falling apart so attempt to interest
him in the desperate tale of my sister's neighbor. Keep him amused for
approximately three minutes. Begin to grow weary of prolonged wait. Nurse
finally comes in and puts drip line in husbands arm. She tells him to take off
all of his clothes and dawn the fetching gown she has supplied him. Spouse
timidly asks if perhaps he could leave his underwear on. He is apparently
worried that someone will view his parts while he is under general anesthesia.
He is denied use of his undergarments. Self in complete hysteria over husband's
undergarment request. He is not happy with me.
Husband speaks to doctor and is then promptly wheeled off for surgery looking
very forlorn. I immediately repair to the nearest Starbucks where I have the
misfortune to wait behind someone who orders no less than fourteen coffees. This
is not an exaggeration. Slowly amble back to the hospital waiting room and read
the paper. After a two and half hour wait I begin to worry. Fortunately the
doctor appears with some truly gruesome pictures of spouses ear repair. Doctor
waxes on about the procedure, begin to feel faint and sit down. Ear surgery went
well. Wait another two hours for Earboy to wake up in recovery room. Am just beginning to feel annoyed when I
am finally allowed back in recovery room where he is sitting up with a salad
bowl taped on the side of his head. Burst out laughing. Spouse not amused. Check
husband out of hospital and attempt to drive home with him as passenger. Had
hoped to have a peaceful drive while Earboy was blissfully drugged and unable to
comment on my driving skills. Old habits die hard, spouse sufficiently alert to
comment on my driving skills or lack thereof. He also requests that I drive
through McDonalds for his lunch. Had planned a lovely meal of homemade canned
chicken soup, but spouse will have none of my cooking for sick people. Begin to
dread the next several days with my most difficult patient to date. At least I
could boss my sister around when I was her nurse.
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