What REALLY Happens in the Locker Room

You might remember me talking about idiot gym attendees who "lose" their lockers. Unfortunately, this happened to me, even now as I write about this, I am amazed about the loss of my belongings as my mind has been razor sharp as of late. When I discovered that my locker lost itself, I entered my secret code into most of the lockers with the desperate hope that one of the lockers would open. I realized later that I likely messed up everyone else's secret code as I vainly tried punching my number into each locker. I skipped the lockers with obvious markers such as, a bra strap or candy wrapper showing from the top of the locker. I recall thinking at the time that this was a clever solution for locating your locker. Had I not relied on my "razor sharp" memory to locate my locker, things might have gone differently.

All of the "ladies who swim" congregate on the right side of the changing room, leaving little room for others, so that area is out of the question, in fact I did not even try the lockers on that side. Remember, my "razor sharp", steel trap of a mind says; "no, you used one of the first two rows on the left side of the room".

After twenty frustrating minutes, I gave up the quest for locating my lost locker and reluctantly "approached the friendly receptionist. I found she is indeed pleasant, IF you do not lose your locker at which point all bets are off. Her look and long sigh said it all.

"I will have to get someone to cover for me."

"Oh, thank you so much, I can't believe this, I must be losing my mind or something."

The receptionist did not reply but concurred with a slight nod of the head. This did not make me feel good; surely, other people lose their lockers. She marched to the locker room and I followed suit.

"Do you have any idea which row of lockers you left your stuff in?"

"Oh yes, definitely either the first or second row on the right side of the room, I always use those rows so I won't forget where my locker is."

I realized my faux pas, AFTER I have blurted out the ridiculous statement. The receptionist gave me a look, eyebrows raised that can only be described as stony. We tried every single stinking locker on the left side of the room, no luck. The ladies who swim stood aside as she moved over to their domain on the left side of the room. I noticed the sullen staffer was getting very quick at decoding all of the lockers. I comforted myself with the thought that I must not be the only idiot to lose her locker. I thought about complementing her quick fingered ability but realized I would never be on her good side again; after all, she could be swiping cards at the front desk...much more interesting stuff.

On the right side of the room, the second locker she decodes opens up to reveal my crumpled up clothing. I briefly think about denying ownership of the stuff but she recognizes my look of joy at seeing my things.

"Are these your things?"

"Why yes, I believe they are, I just can't believe my clothes and purse are in a locker on this side of the room, thank you so much."

She leaves silently; she has important work at the front desk. I am overjoyed that someone else is not carrying my purse and wearing my raggedy clothes.

"Well, thanks again and I'll see you tomorrow!" I say in an ultra cheer filled voice. Make a mental note to bring a magnet to stick on my locker tomorrow in case of future loss. Also decide that perhaps a few New York Times crossword puzzles are in order to sharpen the steel trap.