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Kan I? or, Kan I Not Rent a Movie?
There is a
neighborhood handy mart at the top of the hill, which I like to call,
"Fresh Ice". When the new owners bought the store, they papered the windows with
handmade signs, one of which read: "We have fresh ice". What the heck! Fresh ice
as opposed to spoiled ice? This was an ongoing argument between me and my
husband. He said that of course ice can be stale. I said, "Who cares? Ice is
ice".
My daughter, asked me to return a "broken" DVD. The children and their hordes of
friends were all demanding dinner. Although the roads were treacherous and
despite the ongoing snowstorm, I happily escaped the mad chaos at home and
slipped and slid my way to the store. Let dinner burn...it usually did anyway,
according to my spouse.
Han, the current owner of the store, worked at "Fresh Ice". Han and I
"being old friends", exchanged pleasantries. I said that his ice was always the
freshest in town. He beamed and said something in response. I mentioned our
problems with the DVD. Han did not reply as he was busy with other customers. I
noticed he was no longer in good spirits; maybe he had a cramp or something. I
found another movie and returned to the counter. Heavens, for the first time I
could remember, Han was not smiling at me! I looked behind me; maybe someone else
had committed an offense. Three people were behind me; no one looked happy as I
was now holding up the line. Han said to me in a very crabby voice: "No movies
for you", or something to that effect. He also said that I needed to get a new
DVD player before I could rent another DVD from him. I felt this seemed rather
extreme. I scrolled through my hazy memory banks; I tried to remember what
possible previous offenses I could have committed. Perhaps one of my children
stole some candy or was sassy to his wife. I was completely flummoxed. I sidled
out of line and hoped he would forget about me.
After I left the line in shame, I warily moved back over to the DVD section and
picked out a popular "used" as opposed to "new" DVD. I caught Han's steely eye
again and asked if I could rent the long outdated DVD. The people in line looked
at me with pity. Han grudgingly shouted at me that it was an old DVD and
therefore suitable for me, the assumed wrecker of new movies. He added that the
DVD was not really worth viewing. I hastily took my DVD to the counter where Han
examined it, relented, and said that he would not charge me for the rental of
this DVD. Maybe he felt bad when he barked at me earlier. However, he requested
that I not rent any further "new" DVD's. I was a demolisher of DVD's and did not
value his property. The man behind me then attempted to tell Han that he was not
examining the DVD properly for scratches. Apparently it was Han's custom to
examine all DVD's before renting them in case he ran into people like me who
made a habit of scratching things. Nice man showed Han how to look for scratches
accurately. I felt relieved that the focus was off me and sprinted out the door.
I hastily shouted a farewell to my new friend, (nice man) and Han.
Back home, smoke was coming out of the oven. I recounted my misfortunes with
formerly nice, "Fresh Ice" store proprietor, but my ungrateful family ignored me
and asked why the dinner was taking so long to prepare. My wretched family felt
that Han was justified in his curt dismissal of me, a loyal customer. I called
my friend Dorkus who listened patiently. She was not surprised that I received
the boot from Han. She had been meaning to tell me that his actual name was KAN.
Dorkus and I then argued about the store owner's name for quite a while. Good
grief, my hearing seemed to be as bad as my husband's! I may as well forget about
patronizing my local handy mart; I honestly don't think I could face Kan after
calling him Han for years. Why didn't he tell me his actual name?
One month later, we needed some milk for dinner. I told my son to run to "Fresh
Ice" and pick up a gallon of milk. He smugly reminded me that he was "restricted", and could not use the car. Crap! I had forgotten the punishment
that I meted out when Conner and his posse had a party at our house! In a fit of
fury, I drove up to "Fresh Ice" for the cursed milk. As I walked into the store,
Kan happily greeted me; "Hello Dawn". Apparently, we were friends again; I
didn't remind him that my name is; Shawn.
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