Shawn Underwood, her husband, Craig, and their three children banded together with her sister and her family for a year’s sojourn in the South of France. That year was hugely momentous, as they settled the kid’s in school when the terrible news of the tragedy of 9/11 unfolded. With the United States virtually in lock-down mode, the family felt very cut off from the news coming out after the fall of the twin towers known as the World Trade Center. Still the family had to become acclimated, immersing themselves in a culture that was very different from their familiar life near Seattle. Shawn Underwood’s memoir of that year in France is told with warmth, humor and a sense of the ridiculous in MOMMY, ARE WE FRENCH YET?
Why a whole year away from the United States and how did you decide on France?
SU: Our decision to move for a year to France was based on school availability and school term length. France was not our first choice. Our first choice was Italy; however the International school in Florence was full with a waiting list.
How did you talk your sister into joining you?
My sister and brother-in-law needed no convincing. It was understood that we would go together—strength in numbers. As my son Conner said at one time when we were excluded from other guests on the island of Petite St. Vincent. “Mom I told you, stick with your pack.” However, we were successful with making friends while in France.
You rented two separate houses for each family. Why not one big one together?
We actually looked at an estate in France with two houses on the property but decided we didn’t want to live in each other’s pockets, we were going to be spending enough quality time together.
Your sister, Shannon, spoke some French. You kept insisting that you could understand French if it was spoken s-l-o-w-l-y. In reality, what did this mean, and how did it affect your conversations with the French you came in contact with?
I’m still convinced my French was more than recognizable because I spoke daily when I purchased things at the market, however my French was very rudimentary and almost ‘cave-man-like’. I tended to speak in first person and I picked up a lot of common phrases which would initially fool people into thinking I was fluent. Hence French people spoke to me in a normal pace at which point I would ask them to slow down. I probably understood every 5th word, which worked just fine—most of the time. The French people were very tolerant of my rudimentary French and actually appreciated my efforts. I found it amusing that the French often said they speak English very poorly, when in fact their command of English was often better than my French. It was expected that a visitor would adjust to their customs and language.
A few opinions: What do you think of:
French homes?
The homes I visited tended to be rental homes, which were Americanized—equipped with washer/dryer, computer hook up, etc. The few non-rental French homes I visited were more ‘formal’, not too cozy.
Grocery shopping?
LOL! I loved shopping in the markets, good for practicing the language and listening. I hated the actual grocery store because the cashiers were very crabby and in a hurry. I had trouble deciphering labels and pricing the fruits and veggies with correct amounts, bagging groceries and even parking the car. I eventually overcame these many simple problems but it was rather unnerving.
Drivers and French highways?
The French have no sense of diplomacy on the highway—they aren’t considerate. However the back roads are an entirely different animal. My sister’s house was about 5 miles from mine on a single lane road. I often waited behind a line of cars (stopped) while two people sat across from each other (still in their cars) and chatted. The roads were usually so narrow they were within a handshake’s distance while sitting in their cars. I once waited about 20 minutes and not one person honked or even waved their arms. I found it most amusing; I was rarely in a hurry.
French food?
I’m not really a foodie but I was certainly a ‘fattie’ when I moved back to the states. Low fat foods were difficult to find and we cooked with whole ingredients, nothing processed. The vegetables and fruits from the markets were the best I’ve ever tasted. Because the kids got home so late from school we rarely ate out with them and McDoanlds was out of the question (They asked). We had a couple of favorite restaurants we frequented that the kids also enjoyed.
The French as a people?
The French people I knew were quite stilted and my French teacher even said in an off-handed way; “You Americans treat everyone you meet as your best friend.” He said the French get to know someone (for at least a year) before they even think of inviting a person into their home. The woman I bought my newspaper from daily never once acknowledged my friendly smiles or stilted French.
How did you celebrate American holiday traditions in France during your time there, such as Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas?
We celebrated American-style and often invited other people from the international school to join us. Halloween was quickly becoming an up and coming holiday while we were there. My sister attended a nearby small French church on a regular basis; she even read the passage during one sermon. We attended church (the service was in French) on Christmas. It really doesn’t matter what part of the world you’re in at Christmas—people world round celebrate joy and family.
What single thing did you like the most about your year in France?
The unhurried lifestyle.
What single thing did you most dislike about your year in France?
The unavailability of 24-hour access to most everything. We learned to deal but I never quite got used to not being able to run out get whatever I needed.
Did your children enjoy their year there? How did they fare with school while coping with a foreign language? Did they learn French?
The kids were humbled very quickly because a lot of the kids at the international school spoke 3 or 4 languages while they spoke only one. French was spoken on the playground and they picked most of their French there. School followed the British curriculum and they attended French class in school, I think the boys ate the same thing everyday at lunch because they could pronounce ‘croque monsieur’ quite well.
European children are raised differently than American children. What would you say is the greatest differences between a school-age child raised in France and raised in America?
Because of the close proximity of the different countries in Europe, kids there generally spoke more than one language. The family unit seems to be revered more in Europe than in the U.S.—I think this is because parents have shorter workdays in general and are more available for their kids. The time spent with kids isn’t filled with minute by minute after school activities but more leisure activities such as picnics and meeting at the local coffee shop with other families. European kids are present at a lot of ‘adult’ events and generally behave themselves, however our tennis coach accused French children of being lazy athletes who didn’t know how to work hard on the court, however he was a stern taskmaster and had no children himself.
Planning such a move is complicated. What are the most important questions need to be answered before undertaking such a trip?
Timing is critical if you have school age children because of the necessity for college prep SATs, etc., when your child is junior in high school, so plan your year accordingly. Can you work from overseas for a year or take a year off? Do you want to rent your house in the U.S. for a year? Decide how you want to live in a different country—live in an area with a large ex-pat community (generally English-speaking) or move to a villa away from any sort of ex-pat community.
Of the many side trips you took, which destination did you and your family most enjoy? Least enjoy?
As a family we truly enjoyed our trip to Egypt, which was suggested by my son, Conner because he remembered studying Egypt at school in the U.S. The tour guide focused on some kid-centered activities but the kids really enjoyed the Valley of the Kings. Our youngest was 9 at the time. We were vastly disappointed with Ibiza, possibly due to the place we stayed but also because we traveled in the off-season and it was windy and cold—and three of the six kids had head lice when we returned home.
Any special lessons or insights about a year away from home?
Get off the merry-go-round and enjoy life in the slow lane—you won’t regret it.
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